Deadbeat dad owes his ex-wife $85K in child support, pressures her to stop payments because their 4 kids are 23-31 years old: 'I never received child support while they were young, ever.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 29, 2026 12:30 PM EDT

He needs to give her every cent she is owed for raising all four of his children on her own.

It's so wild when a grown adult never expects their lifelong habits to bite them in the rear end. If you ate horribly and never exercised for your entire adult life, you shouldn't be surprised when you have health issues as you age. If you spent all your money and didn't save anything for retirement, you can't be shocked that you can't afford to travel the world the second you turn 65. What goes around comes around, especially when the courts are involved.

A cocky person who has never faced any consequences for their poor decisions might think they're above man-made systems and processes, such as the court system. A deadbeat parent might expect that if they've evaded paying child support for their kid's entire childhood, they won't have to pay it once they turn 18. Much like taxes and credit card bills, child support payments don't just evaporate when their due date passes. They stick around for years and years, until eventually the child support overpays them voluntarily, or their wages are garnished. If you've ever worked with someone who asks to be paid under the table, chances are they are trying to avoid paying child support at all costs. 

If someone has managed to get away with not paying for child support for the whole period of time their kids are under 18, they obviously have found some sort of way of evading it. Some deadbeat parents put pressure on their exes not to pursue child support, calling them lazy and money-hungry. That's what the dad in this story is doing to the woman who raised his children for him, and she's close to cracking under the pressure. 

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  • وم
    via sarah b

    A representation of a deadbeat dad, who is trying to guilt his ex-wife out of making him pay his child support payments after his kids have grown up. 

  • Am I the bad guy for receiving child support while my children are grown?

    I have (4) children with my ex and never received CS while they were young, ever. They are now between 23-31. One daughter (very recently widowed) lives with me
    via u/777ErinWilson
  • with her (2) small children since the passing of her husband and the father of her children. I just started receiving CS arrearages maybe the
    via u/777ErinWilson
  • Three models who could be the daughter of the original poster and her two daughters, who are mourning the tragic loss of their father at a young age.
    via Brooke Cagle (Unsplash+)

    Three models who could be the daughter of the original poster and her two daughters, who are mourning the tragic loss of their father at a young age. 

  • past 5 months and baby father is on me to drop it. Also, I am owed $85,000.00+. I feel guilt tripped and I am not sure if I am truly wrong.
    via u/777ErinWilson
  • Also, I do cover all living costs for my daughter and her children while she is still healing and getting herself together because her husband was the breadwinner.
    via u/777ErinWilson
  • A picture of the daughter's late husband, the family's breadwinner.
    via Danny Ocean

    A picture of the daughter's late husband, the family's breadwinner.

  • bippityboppityboo73 He owes it per a court order. He needs to pay it. Arrears are best avoided by paying when it was due. This is on him.
    via u/bippityboppityboo73
  • WHYohWhy___MEohMY He owes you money. NTA.
    via u/WHYohWhy___MEohMY
  • Ok_Bar4002 This. You aren't receiving child support with adult children. You are receiving a debt payment.
    via u/Ok_Bar4002
  • SilverInjury Tell him next time he starts "If you had paid when it was due they wouldn't be grown".
    via u/SilverInjury
  • Head Razzmatazz7174 NTA A lot of these deadbeat parents have the argument "oh, they are adults now, so I don't owe anything." Yes, you do. The court told you to help pay for the care of those kids, you didn't, so you have to catch up those payments that you owed until that point.
    via u/Head_Razzmatazz7174
  • It's similar to having a credit card. You don't have the money right then to pay cash for that big screen TV, so you put it on a credit card. Then you pay off the credit card. It doesn't matter if you break the TV a year in, you still owe the credit card company.
    via u/Head_Razzmatazz7174
  • In the same way, you had the kids, you are supposed to support them. Just because they are grown, does not mean you don't have to pay back the primary parent because they covered your part of the medical care, school expenses or whatever else was needed to keep those kids healthy and cared for. Poor example, I know, but it's the only one my caffeine deprived brain can come up.
    via u/Head_Razzmatazz7174
  • mjc-u7272 Exactly this!!! I payed support for almost 20 years. Fell behind when I was laid off in 2006. Pay what was owned on the back end after child aged out. He owes this... now if you want, you can meditate a settlement (but at $85k) I wouldn't. It his own fault for neglecting his obligations to his children. You were left to shoulder the burdens.
    via u/mjc-u7272
  • Time does not wipe away his responsibilities. You have no reason to feel guilty! Get what is owed and give it to your kids... as that is what it was intended for. Note, the interest will only keep increasing as long as he ducts paying.
    via u/mjc-u7272
  • Budgeting Shri It was NOT ontended for the kids. She paid everything for them children, reducing her savings, her retirement contributions. The money belongs to her not to the children. This is a fact. It's nice if she passes some along but in no way should the children feel entitled to it.
    via u/Budgeting_Shri
  • shammy_dammy You're receiving arrears, money you were owed. The court would be very interested to hear that he's pressuring you like this. Why are you letting him manipulate you like this?
    via u/shammy_dammy
  • krb You are owed $85,000.00+ - do NOT back down. And ignore the idiots who want you to, you are entitled to every single cent. CS arrearages are no joke, and should not be given up ever. You covered everything at great expense, and are now owed that money. Just because you no longer have the expenses does not mean you did not cover every single expense because of the missing CS. This is your money, get it every single cent of it.
    via u/_____krb
  • GimmieDatCooch A colleague told me to never drop child support cases, even if you are back owed and the kids are adults. Her children's father won 1 million on a lottery scratcher when her kids were in their 30's. First thing paid out other than taxes was the back owed child support. It was well over 100k. Apparently this can also occur if the parent is entitled to a tax refund, inheritance, trust funds, life insurance policy pay outs etc
    via u/GimmieDatCooch
  • Emotional_Fan_7011 NTA. That is money he owes you for raising his children.
    via u/Emotional_Fan_7011

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child support dad mom kids court parenting deadbeat dad exes adult children money
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